Thoughts in the Dark

Friday, Jan. 16, 2009, may not "live in infamy", but it will forever be embedded in the memory (pun intended) of the Peppers family. Most anyone who reads this will already know the story; if not, you can read a very detailed account of it here. My intention is not to lay out facts, so much as put my perspective on what has transpired in our lives since what we have affectionately dubbed "the incident."

The hardest thing to deal with are the headaches. I should probably say the headache, because I have had a migraine for almost two weeks now. The nerve block that I was given helps; I'm only experiencing about 20% of the pain, but it's constant--24/7. Very distracting.

But what are we to make of these kind of things? Are they random? Do they speak of an unloving or (worse) an uncaring God? The half-brother of the Lord wrote these words:

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways....Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him" (Jas 1:2-8, 12).

There are a few principles that must guide a Christian in the face of trials. The first is that they are to be a source of joy (v. 2). James is not saying that we are to take some sadistic pleasure in trials; in fact, he's not even saying that we have to be happy with the trial at all. But what we must realize is that happiness and joy are not the same thing. Happiness is determined by happenings (you can even see the same root word), but a true Christian can have joy no matter what the circumstances. Then it remains for us to understand the biblical concept of joy and rejoicing. Study Philippians especially, and you'll find that joy is the quiet confidence that God is so sovereign over the affairs of your life that He won't bring anything into your life that isn't for His glory and your eternal good. Once we understand that, we can rejoice in suffering, because God has a purpose in it...a purpose for good (cf. Rom 8:28-29).

The second principle is that they are certain (v. 2). James didn't say "if you meet various trials"; he said "when...." Most of us spend our every waking moment trying like mad to avoid trials. Again, please understand that James is not a sadist and he's not calling believers to be sadists; he's not saying that we need to go out looking for trials. In fact, he's saying that we can rest assured that we don't have to! Which leads us to the next principle...

Thirdly, they have a purpose (vv. 3-4). Trials are in place as tools of God to make His children mature. In like manner, Peter wrote to his suffering readers that God had a purpose in taking them through the fire: "after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you" (1 Pet 5:10). I've met some Christians through the years who have almost never had to deal with trials; they were some of the most immature believers I've ever met. Trials season us for maturity...this is taught again and again in Scripture (e.g., 2 Thess 1:4-6; Jas 5:11; 1 Pet 5:10 just to name a few).

That's enough of that. Where am I? Firstly, it probably won't shock you to read this, but I'm not so much interested in whether or not God has a lesson for me to learn in all this, so much as I'm interested in not wasting the trial. The truth of the matter is I am just a slave of Christ; that means He has the right to do with me as He pleases, when He pleases, in the way in which He pleases. My concern is only that on the other side of this (whatever that looks like) I am more like my beloved Christ. If His chosen vessel for me to be conformed to the image of Christ is through Transient Global Amnesia then so be it...I'm going to worship Him and praise Him in it, through it, and beyond it.

The second thing I'm focusing on is the goodness of God. Even in the darkness, God is good (cf. 1 Chron 16:34; 2 Chron 7:3; Ezra 3:11; Pss 106:1; 107:1; 118:1; 118:29; 136:1). We cannot separate God from His goodness. God is not good because He does good things; rather, He does good things because He is inherently good. The Puritan Stephen Charnock wrote, "The notion of goodness is inseparable from the notion of a God. We cannot own the existence of God, but we must confess also the goodness of his nature" (The Existence and Attributes of God, II:216). We sometimes think that the only good that God can do is to intervene and prevent suffering (e.g., "If God is so loving, then why did He let __________ happen?"). But in that thought-process is a fundamental misunderstanding of God, for in the darkness of his circumstances, even a believer's vision is usually clouded to the good that God is doing and bringing, most of the time a greater good that he cannot understand. So I choose to believe that God has a better good for my life because of the trial we're in than He could've engendered by preventing the trial.

I close with the words of Job 23:10, "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold."

These are my thoughts in the dark days of suffering and trial...I pray that they are a help. Please continue to pray for us.